Woman Fed Up After Always Helping ‘Coddled’ Husband: ‘Have to Be His Life Manager’
A 25-year-old woman on Reddit was urged to leave her incompetent 34-year-old husband after sharing she has to act like his "life manager" and take care of everything for him.
The husband and wife have been married for four years, but they were "raised completely different." She works 40 to 50 hours a week, while her husband only does 20 hours of freelance work a week, and most of the household tasks and organizing fall onto her shoulders.
"I moved to a major city at 17, my mom always expected a lot of me and encouraged me to solve my own problems before I asked. She would also call me out if I was wrong in a situation, not just take my side cause I was her kid. This may be harsh to some but I'm happy how it turned out and how independent I have been able to become," she wrote.
"My husband on the other hand was completely coddled, even his own mother says she regrets it now that her kids are older. My husband didn’t have to deal with any adversaries ... when he couldn’t pay his credit card bill in his 20s his mom covered the minimum payment. And just in general never pushed him outside his comfort zone or to do things alone," the frustrated woman continued on Reddit.
"I love him and I want the best for him and I want to help him. But I feel like there’s a point where he needs to do things on his own. For instance, I will ask him to take care of switching the internet over. He put it off for multiple weeks and then when he decides to do it, blows my phone up at work asking what the account information is, how to login, and then call me on a three-way call with the internet company while I’m at work and get mad that I had to put them on hold and they hung up," she explained.
The woman noted she has to walk her husband through simple things like filling out job applications, and that whenever she asks him to "help take something off my plate he has 1 million follow-up questions which makes me feel like it’s not off my plate."
Now, she feels less like a wife and more like she has to "be his life manager."
"...When I come home from work I just want to be a wife, relax and enjoy time with my husband. Am I just being inconsiderate? How can I get him to do things on his own? I feel very frustrated and I don’t know how to approach the situation," she concluded.
Users in the comments section urged the woman to leave her husband.
"...He’s not good for you or to you. The weaponized incompetence is just part of his disregard for you. Badgering you until you do what he wants, refusing to help out, putting you in debt. All of this is because he doesn’t love you. I wonder if he’s even capable of loving someone other than himself," one person wrote.
"A big age gap isn't always a red flag but SO many times it comes with stuff like this. Dude's a decade older than her but basically forcing her to be his mommy, while actively making her life worse. And yes, someone who loves her wouldn't do any of this to her. Like, what does he bring to the table? He just seems to take from it," another chimed in.
"Weaponized incompetence. I used to have a husband like this. Then finally when there was an emergency, he was not there to depend on. 10 year age difference. Lost most of my 20s to it all. Had to start over at 27. I would have probably owned my own house by now. I sacrificed a degree to go back to work just to make rent because he couldn’t hold a job. Don’t be like me and stop enabling him. Give it to him straight up. You aren’t being nice or helpful, you are being a doormat," someone else advised.